Mark Wayne

Not many things are as consistent as:
“The more tired I get, the more stupid other people get.”

Have you noticed that?
Try it.
Just go on social media for 2 minutes and you’ll feel like you’ve just come back from a 3-day-beer-festival.

There’s a trance-like quality to when you’re tired, too. Almost like a psychedelic. Most people look tired, you know? I think we kinda like it…

Moms are the most tired.
Always tired.
Bags under their eyes.
5 coffees/day.
They need a vacation from when they come back FROM the vacation.

And people take these smart drugs to…

An entrepreneur friend wanted to remind me that “Time is money, man.”

How’s so?

How many checks did Time signed for you?

Can you just go to an Apple store and say:
“Listen, how much Time for that iPhone? I have a couple of years left and I’d really like me that iPhone.”

Some wise guru said that it’s:
“So that tings don’t happen all at the same time.”
Right… That makes perfect sense.

The other obsession this friend has is with “Saving time, maan. You gotta save time, man.”.
How do you actually save time?
Do you just put it in your pocket?
Have a little box with a key for it?

And what the hell is Time anyway?
Even clock-makers are clueless…

I don’t know.
It’s all very confusing.

“Everybody wins. Especially you.”

“For only 98 shmucks, your life will EXPLODE.
Your life will not only explode, but you’ll probably turn into an early-stage advanced humanoid. But we can’t guarantee that. We like to keep things honest around here.”

Moral marketers.
Nuns and Cocaine, man…

Imagine this guy being able to say: “Everybody wins, especially you.”, and still manages to have restful sleep. And these smarties are not just marketers. These smarties are some of our friends: - That friend who calls you to let you know he’s FINALLY bought an app on the App Store. Like he lost…

“They’re looking for God’s bones…”

“What are they looking for?”

“God’s bones…”


“They’re looking for God’s balls?”

“No…father. They’re looking for God’s bones.”

“Why are they looking for God’s bones?”

“I don’t know. It’s just an article I’m reading.”

“How come God has bones?”

“I guess they’re trying to be funny. You know how these journalists are.”

“They’re pulling the famous atheist card, ah?”

“I guess. It’s all about getting attention.”

“Damn shame. They turned from perspective bringers to attention seekers.”

Son “They need to make it…

Most of the time I find myself in a state of confusion.
There are many solutions to this, thank God, but nothing compares to the KING of ALL solutions: Fast Food.

Whenever I want to experience that instant transition from “total confusion, apathy, and boredom” to “crystal clear enthusiasm” I go to my nearest MickeyD’s and wait in line with my fellow Speed + Pleasure aficionados.

Weird how grown men and women are ashamed because they can’t stop involuntary swallowing.

“Uhm, yeah… I would like a double-ch (chokes)… Excuse me. And a Big Mac… and (swallows). Uhm.. tehehe.”

Only in…

I don’t know about you, but I never had a break without wanting ANOTHER break. When it comes to breaks, I think the more the better.

Most of my breaks are taken outside, on my balcony. I like the fresh air.

But there’s always this guy sitting at the opposite of my balcony. He just sits there. Staring. Doing nothing. Just… stares.

No, really. I mean, he’s always there. Morning, evening, doesn’t matter, he’s there.

I want to take a breather from my work and stare at the window, he’s there. I want to do my yoga on a sunny…

I got me a sleeping ring tracker thing.

Super smart. $400. Totally unnecessary, but hey, the placebo is strong with this one.

I wake up every morning enthusiastic about looking at my stats and patting myself on the back for successfully lying in bed and doing nothing for a whole straight 8 hours: “Good job, buddy, good job.”

I also have a cat. The dog-like-type cat? You know, the type of cat who fetches things and is actually happy when you get back home?

Yeah, well, he likes to sleep with me… I mean, he’s not really sleeping WITH me……

I was looking to rent a car the other day, and went through the bazillion websites (bazillion is less than a gazillion) and finally found a $27 per day car.

I say: “Hey, that’s pretty fair”, and clicked to buy it.

But… they needed me to pay an upfront $400 deposit. “That’s next month’s rent!”

I said to myself: “I get it… They’re trying to weed out the drunken confused teenagers. I get it, I get it.”

But, I believe in asking, and I’m NOT a confused drunken teenager.

So I decided to call “the lady at the desk”.


Mark Wayne

Curious cat.

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